Sunday, May 20, 2007
Words of Jeff
These are the Words of Jeff1. I am Jeff your God, who brought you out of the Darkness, out of the house of stupidity; 2. you shall have no other gods before or after me. 3. You shall get for yourself an image of me and share it with those on earth or under the earth. 4.You shall not bow down to others or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous Jeff, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me, 7. but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments. 8. You shall not make wrongful use of the name of Jeff Goldblum, for Jeff will not acquit anyone who misuses his name. 9. Remember the day you first gazed upon Jeff, and keep it holy. 10. Six days you shall labor and do all your work. 11. But the seventh day is a day of Jeff; you shall not do any work and only watch films starring Jeff—you, your son or your daughter, your male or female slave, your livestock, or the alien resident in your towns. 12. For in six days Jeff killed god, Jeff became god and Jeff made dinosaurs, but rested the seventh day; therefore Jeff given you a day to please him.
13. Honor Jeff and any of his followers, so that your days may be long in the land that Jeff your God is giving you. 14. You shall not murder unless I tell you to. You shall only commit adultery when you are thinking of Jeff. You shall not steal. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. 15. You shall covet Jeff for it would be impossible not to and to covert me you may do what you want to your neighbor’s house; your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.
Monday, January 15, 2007
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